After reading Lion of Zion’s post and keep hearing about molesters and how dangerous they are, the worst part being what they may do to our children, I started wondering if there were any tell tale signs signaling this guy is a dangerous guy, to keep the children away. From the pictures I have seen of previous “sicko’s” you would have never known what they were up to. I think that is the scariest part, thinking you can trust someone because they appear normal, and may even seem to be good people, and then boom, look what they can do.
I remember going to a park that has a children’s section and another section for biking/rollerblading. I had gone with a young girl to the children’s section, she went on the swings, and played around a bit. Then we were sitting on the bench taking a break before the long walk home. I noticed this 40/50 year old man come in on rollerblades with his shirt open and sunglasses on. He started rollerblading leisurely around the kid’s area. Now I started thinking this was weird, if there’s a whole mile circle for rollerblading, why would he come into the kids section? Could this possibly be a sign that he was looking at the little kids and was going to do something dangerous to one of them?
Then another guy with a weird looking face, also 40/50 age range came into the children’s section with a radio, and he was just walking around. Perhaps he came into the area to sit on a bench, but he didn’t sit down anywhere, he was just looking around. Could this also be a sign? I mean why would grown ups come into the kid’s section if they have no kid’s with them? Or perhaps that’s just being paranoid. But it is better to be safe than sorry, so I would say if you start seeing strange people walking around places they don’t belong then it would be a sign to make sure you know where your children are, to keep an eye on them and stay away from the weird looking/acting strangers.
At the same time you don’t want to go overboard. You don’t want to live a life of fear and not be able to trust anyone. Perhaps there are feelings a person gets that warns them when something isn’t right. So perhaps there is no need to worry excessively, your senses will kick in and you will know when someone is no good. Twice I had a weird feeling about some people, I thought it was just myself being paranoid or prejudice towards these people. But then the person I was with said the exact same thing I was thinking, and confirmed my suspicions.
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Yea...you definitly wouldn't want to get overboard.
ReplyDeleteDefinitly should just be very vigilant around those that give you a bad feeling. Ofcourse you can only do that at the park. Kinda freaky when you hear Rebbeim do that.
i think there is a city statute that adults can't be in a playground unless they are with a child?
ReplyDeleteas a parent it is very hard to deal with all this. there are people you think you trust and you leave your kids with them, but the truth is you don't really know these people. why trust them? just to give an examaple, you bring a kid to get music lessons. do you really need to sit there for the whole hour or can you leave the child and come back. for us it's not the biggest deal because we only have one child. but with multiple children and other things going on you simply can't be with your child all the time.
FRUMSKEPTIC:
ReplyDelete"Definitly should just be very vigilant around those that give you a bad feeling"
but the problem is that those who have been accused didn't give out bad vibes. regarding the famous case at torah temimah, there are parents who continue to defend him even after the fact, claiming that he was so nice and he never would have done something like this
(SITTER: maybe it more of that first-time parent syndrome?)
I wish it was only creepy looking, middle-aged guys who were the dangerous ones. I just found out from someone that in their city there is currently a girl in 8th grade who is being investigated because a 3 year old girl that she babysits said she touched her inappropriately..
ReplyDeleteLOZ-"but the problem is that those who have been accused didn't give out bad vibes"
ReplyDeleteDefinitly. I guess I should say "be vigilant regardless, evenmore so if the guy gives off bad vibes"
Jessica- oy. So scary. WOW. I hate that this is happening. An 8th grade girl is definitly someone I wouldnt even imagine having to be vigilant on.
And then installing nanny cams just seems so intrusive.
Just hang a couple shotguns on your walls and tell the sitter how you hate child molesters and would blow one's head off if given half a chance.
ReplyDeleteLion Of Zion: Now that you mention it, I saw a sign in one park that said "No adults allowed unless with a child" I thought that was strange, now it makes sense.
ReplyDelete(See how everything connects, its amazing.)
Well the first few times you can stay to make sure you feel good about leaving your child with such a person. Or why not have the person come to your house and give music lessons while you are there? Plus, you can first check up on these people, get references, making sure everything is ok.
Could be part of the first-time parent syndrome. But here I would say its a good thing to be aware and protect your children.
Jessica: I have troubles with that story. I can't picture an 8th grader being so crazy. I wouldn't have imagined a 3 year old would know what's inapropriate. Even for the Halachos of Yichud, of who can be a shomer, a 3 year old girl isn't old enough, cause they don't know these things. It could just be that she heard someone talking about inapropriate places, so she wanted to use the fancy word without meaning it.
Now I'm starting to sound like the people that defend these crazy people. Perhaps I should believe it?
FrumSkeptic: yea, I wouldn't want Nannycams, definitely an intrusion of privacy.
Also, there's something I forgot to mention. I heard that there was this public school teacher who was accused of doing something inappropriate with a child, all it was, was a hug, but they couldn't fire her because they had nothing to accuse her of, but yet they didn't want her being will children. So every day she goes in a room in seclusion, and they pay her for doing nothing and just sitting in the room. Hoping that it will drive her to boredom or something and that she will quit. When I heard this I thought it was ridiculous. I don't know who the teacher is. But it just sounded strange.
Moshe: I wouldn't worry about the babysitter's. I think that's 1 in a million.
I have read a lot about abuse, as it is a big problem for the special needs community (& my daughter has DS.) The following applies to all children
ReplyDeleteFacts:
1.Be aware that most abuse is done by someone the child knows.
2.There is no way to "see" on the abuser.
3. Anyone is suspect.. even babysitters (no offence meant)
4.Be on the lookout for sudden changes (a child doesn't want to go to a certain store, to school, any physical signs
5. The only real protection is:
EDUCATION
1.teach Public/private (places/ body areas) One gets dressed in a private area. What is private area? What areas of my body are private?
2. I have a right to say "no"
No one is to touch any of my private body areas without my permission. This includes doctors, teachers, uncles, brother's friends
3 Good/bad secretes. Good= birthday party
Bad= makes you feel bad in tummy ie, threats
4 No/GO/ TELL
Who can I tell?
tell even if told not to
This a big issue so what are they doing about it?
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I just came across an article that relates to this: Tickle Monster gets banned from Park about a 58 year old man that was asking parents if he could tickle their kids for the sake of "joking" around with them. I think that its a good thing he got banned from the park, cause it's one thing if it's your own children. But to want to tickle stranger's kids for the sake of tickling, is just weird. Good thing we have the shomer negiah laws.
ReplyDeleteRicki's Mom: Thanx, that's some good simple advice to follow. The only thing with informing the children about their body parts and what's inappropriate and stuff, I know it's important, but I just can't see frum school's doing that. I think it has to be done by a parent, where it will be parent to child individually, so that they aren't embarrassed in front of their friends, and they can ask questions. I can just imagine kids being immature about this. So although I know it's what has to be done, I just can't picture them handling the information to well, unless it's done a certain way.
MikeInMidwood: that's the thing, you can't rely on other people, you just have to make sure you do your part, although I don't think you have to worry yet. But if your ever responsible for kids, just to be on the lookout for them.
If your talking about the bigger issue of what's happening in school's. I really don't know. I wish it was simple to correct.
babysitter - " I can't picture an 8th grader being so crazy."
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that she did or didn't touch the kid, but if she did, it probably means that she has been (or currently is being) molested... most likely by a family member or close family friend.
And as for a 3 year old not knowing... a 3 year old knows that everyone has private parts. If someone tells them that want to touch them in a private part and/or do touch them in a private part, even if they can't verbalize it as being "inappropriate", they know that it is inappropriate.
SITTER:
ReplyDeleteyou're going to love my most recent post (let's talk about something happy)
Jessica: That's true I forgot about that part, the repeat of the cycle.
ReplyDeletePerhaps.
Lion Of Zion: I'll check it out now. Good idea, happy is good :-)
I read in Newsweek a few months ago that the number of male teachers entering elementary schools is at an all time low now because they are constantly under scrutiny for every ounce of affection they show a student. They quoted one new male teacher who was horrified when his first grade (I think) student wet his pants, he was honestly nervous that by taking action he could be charged with molestation. It's pretty true, seems like we're holding at the two extremes right now...
ReplyDeleteMike: Yea, and it's sad, because if everyone would just be normal then we wouldn't have the 2 extremes. If people were more innocent and didn't think crazy things, then there would be no molesters and no suspicious people. The thought wouldn't even come up if people would behave and there were no "sicko's"
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your comments on my blog. Sorry... I answered them there....
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day!
Ricki's Mom: Your Welcome...makes more sense for you to answer them there. I read all your reply's to my comments on your blog.
ReplyDeleteThanx, you too have a great day!