I always thought it was funny to hear how grandmothers and mothers were in the hospital the same time having babies. I remember a girl in my class in 8th grade, had an aunt that was in 5th grade. It sounded so strange that the aunt should be younger than the niece. But at the same time I always thought it was so cool, it was unique and interesting.
Recently a lady I know that is 45 just had a baby (she already has 5 other kids). The baby turned out healthy and everything, so there were no complications. The mother had already thrown out or given away all her old baby stuff. So now she got to buy new stuff. I think the shopping for baby stuff adds to the excitement of having a baby. I can imagine it being so much fun to pick out a crib, strollers, and outfits for the baby, it makes it more real.
The mother must appreciate the baby so much more, since there is a 12 year gap from the child on top of the baby. After 12 years the mother had a rest, and now she is ready for more fun, its all fresh again. Then when the mother gets old she will have a younger child to take care of her. The mother will also have help from the older children to take care of the baby. So even if the mother might not have as much energy as when she was 20, she will have the help of her older children. By having the older children help out, they will be gaining, it will be a learning experience on how to give and care for another.
There can be some down sides to having a big gap between children. For one, the baby will become a real baby, and be really spoiled. The baby won’t get a chance to take care of children under them, so they will have less of a sense of responsibility, and will expect to get their way. Since there is a big age gap, they won’t have siblings to be friends with, since the older siblings are already onto another stage in their life. The babies children might not get to enjoy the grandparents, since the grandparents will be very old at that time.
I don’t think people should wait till they are 40 to have children. I think people in their 20’s are mature enough to have children. Even if they are not mature, the baby will mature them. At the same time, I think its great for mothers to continue having children when they are “older”. Unless the doctor specifies otherwise, in the fear that there will be complications in the birth.
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"There can be some down sides to having a big gap between children. For one, the baby will become a real baby, and be really spoiled. The baby won’t get a chance to take care of children under them, so they will have less of a sense of responsibility, and will expect to get their way. Since there is a big age gap, they won’t have siblings to be friends with, since the older siblings are already onto another stage in their life. The babies children might not get to enjoy the grandparents, since the grandparents will be very old at that time."
ReplyDeleteI am the youngest of three. My brother is 9 years old than I am and my sister is 11 years older than I am. Though they treated me like the baby, I never acted like a baby. Because of the age gap, my siblings had started having children when I was still in high school (actually, one was when I was still in elementary school). I currently have 6 nephews, all of which I have taken care of for significant periods of time. My sister used to have me watch her two boys during the summer when I was in high school. I never felt like I was missing out by not having my siblings as friends, but now that we are all older and in similar spots in our life, we are friends. As for the grandparents thing, I am extremely close with my grandmother. I used to sleep over at her apartment once every few months when I was growing up. We'd watch Golden Girls and Empty Nest while eating ice cream sundaes. I agree that there is a potential for all those things to happen, but am living proof that they don't have to happen.
Jessica: Thanx for your comment, that is exactly what I wanted to hear!
ReplyDeleteYour right, the "babies" do have nieces and nephews that they care for, and therefore get a chance to take care of kids too. I hadn't thought of that.
All I have to say is that with so much gap between parents the kid was probably really unexpected for the parents. Though every kid is a blessing, imagine thinking to yourself, "I thought this stage of life was over?" and really it just started back up again.
ReplyDeleteChildIsh: I would think they planned it. I mean if there was such a big gap with no children in the middle, then they had to have waited that amount on purpose, perhaps, But I really don't know.
ReplyDeleteIf someone wanted to end that stage, then they are allowed to, so they wouldn't get any unexpected surprises.
yea but to be born to older parents means that in school the 'baby's mother is significantly older than all the other childrens' mothers.
ReplyDeleteand as a teenager, the 'baby' feels like there is no way the parents can relate
FrumCollegGirl: True, but the fact that the parents have their kids in the same class unites the parents, making them share a common factor. Their children have the same teachers, do the same projects. But you are right, socially they may feel a difference, but that only lasts so long as the kid is little.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather remarried and had another child. There's a thirty year gap between my youngest uncle and my step-uncle.
ReplyDeleteHow's that for an age gap?
End Of World: Wow, Kinayna Hora! that is really cool! I've never heard that big of an age gap before.
ReplyDeleteBBsitter:Alls I'm sayin is that everyone can miss a pill sometimes and then 9 months later... Mazal Tov. There is the ben (or bas)zikunim
ReplyDeleteChildish: Your right, that's true.
ReplyDelete"Ben/Bas Zikunim" That was the word I was looking for before, for the title of this post.
childish- Mom just informed me that after the age of 35 you cannot take teh pill anymore, its dangerous. Some docs MAY allow 40, but thats pushing it.
ReplyDeleteSo at 45 no pills.
In most likelyhood the kid wasn't planned. Why would you wait 12 yrs?
Anyway...Babysitter like I said on my, its to each his own. Each coupld needs to sit down and discuss children based on their own goals. Not based on what the frum/secular society wants from them.
At the later age, it does take more energy. And having siblings raise you isnt exactly the greatest grounds for a healthy parent/child relationship.
my freinds sister was born when she was 16. Kid used to call her Mommy ALLLLL the time. Now theres another baby, who cannot talk yet. But my friend sees her more often than her mom does.
FrumSkeptic: There are other ways besides a pill.
ReplyDeleteYea, it is to each their own, not everyone is capable. Your right, a sibling shouldn't have to act as a parent.
babysitter- I am aware that there are other ways aside from the pill.
ReplyDeletewas just pointing out to child ish.
Thank you, FS. With out you how would I know. I'd just be clueless.
ReplyDeletelol. At chasson classes or when ur wife woulda been nearing that age.
ReplyDeletelol
:-D
FS: What you mean I'm not a curious kid with the bad influence of the internet.
ReplyDeleteIf you have children at an older age arent they at a more likely risk of having kids with down syndrom. a reason of not having kids when older
ReplyDeleteDoubt that they discuss IUDs at chosson classes.
ReplyDeleteI see 2 problems. 1, the parents might not have the energy to run around and play with the child. 2, do you really want to be in your late 60s when you get grandchildren?
Also, having kids that late, what are the chances of becoming great-grandparents. I, for one, think that having great-grandparents/children is very cool.
child ish - My mother had wanted a third child, but because of financial issues and job issues they waited. I was definitely planned.
ReplyDeletefrumcollege: "and as a teenager, the 'baby' feels like there is no way the parents can relate"
ReplyDeleteSince when do teens feel a need to relate to their parents? Isn't that the rebellious stage?
moshe: "do you really want to be in your late 60s when you get grandchildren?"
My father-in-law didn't get married until he was 40. He's in his 70's now and in a few months will be getting his first grandchild. I don't think he minds at all that he's older, he just wants one.
jessica: hey bleeve it or not; there are some kids out there who actually want to be able to related to their 'rents. grandted, they're few and far in between, and they kinda freak me out, but they do exist
ReplyDeleteWhat about the older siblings that are now expected to be little mothers so that by the time they get married they're burnt out by changing diapers and basically running a household?
ReplyDeleteIt's not fair for parents to have kids at the expense of older siblings.
Mike- yea. more chances of down syndrom the older the mom is and the older the father the higher the chances for bipolar.
ReplyDeleteanonymous- I totally agree with you. If you aren't gonna parent, dont have the kids at the old age even if you have older kids that could parent for you.
thats just totally unfair
last anonymous was me btw sorry.
ReplyDeletenot having a child later because the risk of having a downs baby is higher is kind of pointless imho,
there are as many if not more special ed kids born to parents in their 20's or 30's
Moshe: I'm not saying people should wait till old age to have kids. So they can still be grandparents earlier. They would just have additional grand kids when they're older.
ReplyDeleteEverybody else: A few things, I was talking to the lady who just had a baby, she said that it all came back to her naturally as if she never stopped, she still knew how to take care of her baby after 12 years.
Her husband said he is thankful that the baby is healthy, because Mcains VP's 5th child was born with down syndrome when the VP had a baby at that age.
The older siblings did not at all feel burnt out, they wanted to take care of the baby, the mother said that every time the siblings would hear the baby cry they would go to it and hold it, they didn't want the baby crying.
Also, another thing, the mother said that now its so easy to have babies because there are so many more conveniences. Like the diapers are now made of Velcro whereas before it was tape, so before if your hands got sticky then the diaper was no good, here its still good.
Look, people I'VE BEEN there , let me tell you as it is:
ReplyDelete1 . NO older sibling is going to be a big help. They have their own lives. Sure, they can help a bit, just as EVERYONE does, but the child-raising has to be done by the mom.
2. ALL teens think that their parents are "out of touch".
3. I found that as a 40 year old parent, I had much more flexibility and was more easygoing than when I was younger. I didn't have to meet anybodt else's expectations, I was more self-confident.
4. Having a child with DS can happen at any age. Sine younger women are more fertile, most babies with DS are born to younger moms, many in the 30's, and often even really younf moms. It's true, though, that the risk for that mom goes up with age.
So guess what?
PEOPLE WITH DOWN SYNDROME ARE PEOPLE
THEY ARE NOT A PLAUGE
I WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR IT, BUT COME OVER AND SEE THAT LIFE GOES ON
(My daughter Ricki, is a spunkey, funny, hyperactive teen... who happens to have Down syndrome as well.
Having children at an old age may be nice for parents. But it's a nightmare for the children.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt is pregant with her 12th child. No gaps, the youngest is a year and half.
The oldest is my age, just had a baby 2 months ago. And then the next daughter is 19, in shidduchim and is mortified beyond words that her mother is pregnant.
I told my mother that if she ever did that to me I'd disown her. I'll have my experience with younger children with my nieces and nephews, not my brother or sister.
Also, when you have an aunt and niece the same age, and the niece gets married first...very awkward situation...happened to a classmate...
Sopardic Intelligence: I was gonna speak about that in another post. I have a family I babysit by, that the mother is pregnant with her 12th, but there the oldest is 17. It's such an amazing family.
ReplyDeletedon't ask me to specify an exact age, but i do think that it is a little irresponsible to plan children after a certain age when doing so become much more dangerous. 45 is really pushing it.
ReplyDeleteSTACY:
obviously more down's syndrome kids are born to parents in their 20s and 30s because most kids in general are born to parents in their 20s and 30s. you have to consider the statistical perspective.
BABYSITTER:
"Even if they are not mature, the baby will mature them."
no
RM- "NO older sibling is going to be a big help. "
ReplyDeleteNot true. Friend of mine is a mom to her two younger sisters. She is 21, they are 5 and 17 months old. They see her more than they see mom.
"They have their own lives."
The way the yeshiva system is set up is to create the ideal situation of students NOT having their own lives, or else they may find time to meet species of the opposite gender.
"ALL teens think that their parents are "out of touch". "
I'm very close to mom. IN HS when my principal would give speeches attacking the cell phone, she would say "Parents say that they want kids to have phones so that they can be in touch with them, but in reality kids dont call mom during lunch, so that argument is bad."
I called mom during lunch almost everyday. As did a few of my friends.
SI- "And then the next daughter is 19, in shidduchim and is mortified beyond words that her mother is pregnant. "
WHats to be mortified about? If mom was pregnant right now it wouldn't bother me one bit. Her choice, not mine. I see no way it could possibly affect a person in shidduchim.
"Also, when you have an aunt and niece the same age, and the niece gets married first...very awkward situation...happened to a classmate..."
Awkward as in something like when the younger sister gets married before the older? Because if that is your point, are you going to make an argument against parents having kids at close enough age ranges that they might end up in shidduchim at the same time?
FS: "Awkward as in something like when the younger sister gets married before the older? Because if that is your point, are you going to make an argument against parents having kids at close enough age ranges that they might end up in shidduchim at the same time?"
ReplyDeleteI just have to say that I love everything that you wrote right here. I have nothing to add because you said it all, just wanted you to know that I feel that what you said deserves and "Oh snap!"
Jessica- Your approval totally just made my night. :-)
ReplyDeleteFrumSkeptic: yea, that was a great point. And I see your in a appreciative mood!
ReplyDelete"And I see your in a appreciative mood"
ReplyDeleteYea, I am. Very good mood starting like Friday afternoon. :)
And today friend and I had to walk home from teachers house in the rain, and I got the yellow poncho so I looked like a giant banana. lol. Plus the shoes gave me a blister. lol. And I was cracking up the entire time. :-)
FrumSkeptic: That's good to hear :-)
ReplyDelete"I got the yellow poncho so I looked like a giant banana."
or a nice bright yellow sun, happiness...bring ray of sunshine.
lol, good you were still having fun.
I had shabbos sheva brachos I went to, and by shaloshudes it was raining, so the person who hosted it said, water is a siman bracha. So for those that got drenched in the rain, it should be a siman bracha and you should have a downpour of brachos and good stuff.
We used to have those cheap white ones, walking on M, looking like 2 clansmen. :-D
ReplyDelete