Why I'm Not Majoring in Special Ed

I love kids, and I always have. I also love helping people. Whenever I took those career tests, it always said I should be a nurse or something like that.

When I was younger, about 9 or 10 I thought about becoming a O.T. or P.T. This way my job would revolve around children. Then when I was about 11 or 12 I thought about becoming a psychologist, because I used to listen to Dr. Joy Brown on the radio, and sometimes I came up with the same answers as her, and sometimes I thought I knew better solutions. But it amazed me to be able to help people in that way. Then to be a school psychologist would be the best, cause then I'd be able to help children because I felt I understood then so much. I would always take the side of the children.

When I was in High School, I started thinking more seriously about what kind of job I would want. There were a few problems with the ones I thought of when I was younger.

One thing is I'm afraid of special people, so I wasn't sure I would be able to be a good therapist. Now by saying this I don't mean to put them down or anything. Special people are great, therefore their called "special".

I have this one family, where I feel like its my second home. I love the kids, and when I babysit there, I don't feel like I'm babysitting, I feel like their my siblings. Anyways I used to go there very often on shabbos to play with the kids, and on yom tovim. There was just one problem, they had an aunt who was special and she would come with the grandparents to their house on Succos and Pesach. So whenever she would come to their house, I wouldn't go there. I've tried a few times over coming this fear and going there anyways, I haven't been 100% successful yet.

When I was in 8th grade, a new Hasc house opened up on my block, and different fathers would take turns making kiddush there. One week my father went, I was seriously thinking about going with him into the house. But I wasn't brave enough yet. So I didn't go. Then as the years went by, I got familiar with the ladies there, I would see them often, one of them I used to wave to every morning when I went to school, and it would make her so happy. Then recently I actually went into the house cause friends of mine were volunteering there, so I got to speak to them. I didn't feel an ounce of fear while I was there.

Anyways, today I saw this man who didn't look a 100%, he was jogging into the street when cars were still coming. Then he went behind some cars like he was hiding. The only logical reason I could think for doing such a thing, would be if there was a dog. So I looked around for a dog, I didn't see any. Meanwhile he had this funny expression on his face. Someone like that freaks me out.

Now back to the reasons why I didn't choose to be a therapist or a school psychologist. So one is because I would be afraid of the special children. But then another reason is I was thinking about the future. I was afraid that if I have a job that deals with children all the time it could tire me out and I won't have patience for my own children. I didn't want something like that to happen, so I figured a job where you work in an office or with your brain would be easier than a physically tiring job.